Holidays Make Me Numb

I used to love Christmas. It was my favorite time of year. I would look forward to it with excitement each year. Christmas is a magical family time. Getting together with the family to celebrate the birth of Jesus, and the love of family. What a wonderful experience it was. ]

Now, the holidays are lonely. I adore the time with my child, but the time alone just makes me realize how truly alone I actually am. The decorations mock me. The walls close in. Shopping is painful. Having to watch all the happy families joyously picking out gifts for their loved ones. I go through the motions, getting gifts for family and friends, all the while I know I am going home alone. No one to talk to, no one to love me. Just me and my decorations and walls.

About Life Restarted

Three years ago this week, my divorce was finalized. 11 1/2 years of marriage obliterated. I was reconnected to the world again. I had to learn how to live again. I had to survive in a whole new world. I felt free, but scared. After being unappreciated and neglected for years, I had to find my way back to me again. "Who am I?" I knew one thing for sure. I was a mom! I am a mom! I had to learn to survive for him. So I spread my winds, and tried to fly. I have crashed and rolled many times, but now I believe I am reconnected to the world, to God. Now, I know who I am, and what I want from life, but now I am alone.